forgive me...

I fell off the face of the earth, I'm sorry girls. I've been down and depressed ever since I hit the 1 year mark. I finally got good news, I ovulated and had a period and so this last cycle I had more of a chance than ever before and alas, I didn't ovulate or get a period, and am now CD 34.

I just want to scream, beat something, I don't know. I wish I could take a break, wish I could just stop the meds, stop the charting, stop everything and just get back to life for a few months and then try again, but I know that each month that passes is just less and less of a chance of reaching my dream. I'm 4 months past my surgery, and the Endo is growing back worse than ever. The past few weeks I've been crippled by it, there are times I just lay on the bathroom floor crying because it hurts so bad, and have passed out twice from pain, and thrown up countless times. I just don't understand how I can go years with the pain, and now I just can't tolerate it. It just feels worse than it ever has before and I honestly just don't know what to do. I try to ignore it, tough it up, but when I am passing out, how can I?

He said I had a 6 month window before the Endo would be a problem again, and I had 6 months to work on the PCOS. Well month 5 is coming up fast, and nothing. I've been on a search trying desperately to find someone that has BOTH PCOS and Endometriosis (preferably stage 4) that has had a successful pregnancy and I haven't found anyone. It's hard to keep faith and have hope. I know many women with PCOS that have carried to term, and I know those with Endo that have, but I don't know anyone that has had both.

I have an appointment next Tuesday to figure out the next step. He'll probably up the dosage of the Clomid to 150mg. He might move on to Metformin and Clomid, I don't know, maybe injections?