About me :-(

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Comment by Rachael on May 12, 2008 at 3:07pm

hmm Abnormal cells could mean a number of things, from a simple lab error, to HPV, or even cancer. Have you been back to the doctor yet or asked them what they think it is? If they haven't said anything to you, I'm assuming they didn't think it was a serious problem, but I'd have them keep an eye on it.

Period pain and tiredness all month could be a lot of different things as well. I had cramping a lot during the month, and always tired, among other things, and I have endometriosis and PCOS. Are your periods irregular? Check the groups area and there's an area for both PCOS and Endo and I have posted symptoms of both, so see if that sounds like you. If not, I'm not sure, those are the ones I spend the most time studying. They told you after your 2nd was born that you might? Did you have trouble getting pregnant with your children? Some things can start off ok, and get worse with age.

As for the positive pregnancy test, they have a lot of terms for it, but the one I hear the most is a Chemical Pregnancy. It means that the egg did fertilize, but that it didn't attach. Chemical Pregnancies are just as hard as any miscarriage, and usually those that are trying to get pregnant are the only ones that even know they are having one, because we are watching our bodies so closely. Anyone else would just have a normal period and wouldn't think anything of it. I'm sorry you had one, but that does mean that you're ovulating and are fertile, or at least was, so that's a good sign :)

Comment by amaila on May 11, 2008 at 6:52pm

Well it's never good to keep thing's bottled up rachael, i agree is best to let out, anytime you want a chat about anything feel free to message me :-), i'm not on medication am mainly going about fertility issues i have, but even with that i think counseling would certainly help me in my case, i was reading your blog's am sorry about the problem's you have ben haveing, especialy with your fella away most times, but you sound to have thing's mapped out well and know what your doing, and sound's very much like your making the best of your situation, at the moment, so i hope thing;s end up well for you and you recover quickly, and get your greatest wish, i'm still pretty new to the site as i said my first visit to the doctors to discuss my infertility is tomorroe, as was told 17years ago may have some difficulties haveing more children but did'nt want any more until the last few year's, so i hope it's not bad !!!, you sound like you know quite alot on the subject was wondering if you have any idea's on what i have, i get constant period pain and tiredness all month, did have abnormal cell's removed 18mnths ago, had a postive pregancy test 6mnths later but had a period a few days after the postive result which i was told is normal if does'nt inplant, but that was a year ago now an dnothing since, have you ever had anything like that ?, or do you know what could cause that at all ? x

love
amanda

Comment by Rachael on May 11, 2008 at 6:25pm

girl vent any time. I blog way too much about everything in my life, but it just feels so much better to vent everything in my head, hear what people think, and then move on. When I hold it in I just get overloaded and break down.

I was doing counseling with meds, but I had bad reactions to them (story of my life, lol), so I stopped everything. I'm working right now to get back into counseling, even without the meds, just because I know I need it.

I hope the doctor has some good advice and good news for you!

Comment by amaila on May 11, 2008 at 6:09pm

Thank you for the reply Rachael, am sorry i sounded so angry, but was at the time, i do intend to see a counselor as it is definetly not a good idea to start a different life with someone else feeling the way i do at times, i was just sounding off at 4am as wa son my own and could not sleep !!! - i do intend to take him to court privately to finalise the situation for good , but in the meantime try and find some hapiness with my present partner. It will not be a subject i will be going on about but i do appreciate your's and nikki's replies it help's alot :-), i am at my doctor's monday morning for infertility issue's that i have now and will also be aksing about counseling it's better to be more precisive and not indicisive about what i want and feel, so thank you both again i really needed that reasurance, but will see what doctor say's tomorrow, again am sorry if it seam's i went off the beaten track with my blog.........but nothing is ever simple and ever one's experiences are diffent and indidividual to them and every decent human being deserve's children, i feel luckier than most at least to have two even if there not here everyday :-)

love
amanda x

Comment by Rachael on May 11, 2008 at 5:08pm

oh wow hon I'm so sorry for all that you have been through. I agree, this does NOT make you a bad mother, this makes him a horrible father and a horrible human being. It's perfectly natural to want to have another baby, and I really hope that you do get one.

I do think that you need to see a counselor, or at least find someone that you can talk to openly about all of this, because it's very important for your healing that you let it out. That is a very tragic thing to happen, and it's defiantly not something you will just get over or move from. Good luck to you hon

Comment by Nikkihope on May 11, 2008 at 3:43pm

Hun I dont think it is wrong that you want more children with your new partner as long as he is on board with all of it. And as for your Ex he sounds like a dick!!! You're not a bad Mother!!! Don't let anyone tell you differently you wouldn't be going through all of this agony if you were a bad mother. I wish i could give you a big hug and tell you that you are worth something and you deserve to live a happy life!! ~Big hugs~ I am here anytime you need to talk.